DOES YOUR NANNY HATE YOUR CHILD OR JUST HER JOB?
I want to love her.
I think she is adorable and has amazing potential to be great kid and as time goes, great adult.
I want to love her.
I want to want to snuggle her and kiss her and tell her silly stories.
I know it’s not her fault, but I can’t stand that child.
She is just a child. She copies other people’s behavior. She listen words other say. She follows action we all do around her. I want to love her. I want people on the street or in library to think she is sweet and behaved little girl. I want to be proud of her and I want to be part of her life for many years, not just until I snap and quit.
What can I do to fix this?
In past weeks I tried to use nice ways to explain my opinion to the family.
I believe –girl- is going through some issues recently and I am struggling with right approach to get her to behave appropriately, what do you do when she does certain things like screams, throws food on the floor and purposely hits dog in face? – That was the question I asked today and they didn’t answer. They changed topic and moved on with questions about what will I do this weekend.
I know this is only one specific case, but it isn’t just this family, or this kid. It is my previous job, it’s my sister, it is my brother in law. I am surrounded with parents who refuse to discipline their kids. I always, up until now, found excuses for them.
They work too much, and they want to spend quality and fun time with their kids.
They don’t want their kid to hate them.
They prefer to believe it isn’t happening.
They don’t see their behavior as bad.
They are too tired and Tv / iPad will solve it for now.
And I understand, I really do. I am not a mother and I don’t want to judge (and I don’t want you to judge me, before trying to see bigger picture), I just want to put focus on importance of a word NO.
I want to say to all parents how much I love this job, and I love to see progress I make with kids. I love hearing thank you and we appreciate it. I love the idea of getting Christmas Bonus for my effort. And most of all, after spending just a month with a child I take care of, hearing her saying thank you and please, putting hand on her mouth and cleaning her toys.
In situation I am in right now, I love everything except the way parents are raising their child. I am aware how controversial and risky for me is to admit this publicly, but I will.
I DISAGREE WITH THE WAY MY EMPLOYERS TREAT THEY CHILD LIKE SHE IS PRINCESS .
I disagree with the fact that she never hears word NO from anyone
I disagree with the fact she is not taught or encouraged to do anything by herself
I disagree with the fact that 2 year old chooses her own meals and times when to eat them
I disagree with the fact that I need to clean her mess instead of encouraging her to clean after herself
I disagree that family dog has to be outside whining all day because she keeps hitting him, and she has no consequences
I disagree that her being tired is excuse to behave any way she wants
I disagree with words her parents use when she does something mean (hit other kids, screams, hit dogs)
I disagree with ways they want her to be this big deal, big kid and they are missing how she’s not ready
I was part of a recent Employers – Unsatisfied Nannies debate and it made me so upset and helpless for not being able to reach to them. To say how much we do, how much we care and how much more we could do if you help us out. Coming to your nanny with snotty, you are worthless, attitude will just make us hate your kids and our jobs. And we want to love them. We really do.
As an au pair or nanny, we agree to be kind, gentle, caring women doing everything possible to make lives of our employers and “host” kids better.
We spend our evenings doing research on new books and crafts to do next day, we take kids to new cool places, put sunscreen on, read, play, sing, dance, jump and endure bad days, because it is what we love and what we chose to make our job and career.
But what happens if you hate it?
Are you bad person if you hate your days, your routine or even worse – if you start resenting kids you have to cherish and love every day?
As our life goes, we hear our friends, parents, boyfriends complain about their job and swearing their bosses. People are posting silly photos on Facebook in excitement that “it’s Friday” and “Thanks God! – week is over”. We are so used to hating our jobs and it makes it ok, because as long as we do what we have to do, we are good. No one cares how you feel about it.
Being childcare provider, we don’t have that privilege. By saying you hate your job, you automatically become this mean, unethical creature because why are you working with children if you hate it?
We don’t have rights to complain, ask for a break or call in sick, because people depend on us. Yet, sometimes we are not appreciated.
Sometimes it happens we agree to take a job and care for a child. Nice toddler who is excited to see you and happy they have someone new. Family seems nice to you, offer amazing benefits and you feel you should accept it. So you do, but as time goes, family has more and more demands that are not in contract and that little angel turns out to be spoiled a**. And there is absolutely nothing you can do or say.
No complaining to your friends, on Facebook, no support from anyone because no one will admit their kid is crossing the limits (“it’s just a phase”, “he is just tired”, “she must be teething”) and all you have left to do is suck it up and keep your mouth shut.
How to deal with situation like this? What is a good way to tell parents of a child that you wish you were dead every morning that you need to come to work?
How to find correct way of saying to people that being mentally stable at 8:30 pm after day with kids is something to be celebrated and that your 11$ is so fu*king not enough – or if you are lucky enough to be an au pair – it is 4.35 per hour.
In the case of being au pair, you have even less right to be unsatisfied with the whole deal, because you get food (supposedly) and room, so 195.75 per week is perfectly enough for you.
Being a nanny is hard. People have expectations and you are, most of the time, not paid enough to feel you should do your best with household chores in the family.
One of the nanny friends recently told me that just appreciation and thank you from employers should be reason enough to be my best, because there is nothing better for nanny than employers noticing her effort.
I can’t live of a thank you, nor it will make my days easier. By cleaning their house, helping to raise their kid, and coming home to clean my home and maintaining my life functional, what do I get?
And how to find a way or place to vent, rant and be unsatisfied with my work situation and daily routine without being called lazy, spoiled, mean girl with no work ethic?
Shouldn’t the fact that I care for wellbeing of this child mean I am a good childcare provider? Isn’t this anger in me sign I want better for her?
And wouldn’t it be easier for parents as well to have 5 year old, 8 year-old or 12 year-old cleaning their room and showing respect and appreciation to people around them?
Why are nannies who are being realistic and care enough to fix things, called names and being frowned upon if all we do is making change in your kid’s life?
I want to love that kid. I really do.
But tough love is love as well, and it seems I always end up giving tough love, so parents can have funny, sweet, do-whatever-you-want-watch-tv-all-Saturday love.
Did you ever feel this way? What ways you use to fix and maintain relationship with your employers?
Thank you for reading!