Dear Nanny Family,
I hate you.
After reading this first sentence, you might find me immature and turn your back, ignore what I’m saying, but stick with me for little bit. The reason why hating you is a big deal is because I am not a hater. I am not one of those easily upset, grudge holding, pissed girly that will walk around and talk trash about people (well, this is exception). I do hate you because you are not nice people. You are just not.
Your child, your absolutely amazing, beautiful daughter is the only reason why I stayed with you for so long. She deserved better. She still does, but I realized I can’t offer what you want from me and in the same time give her what she needs to grow, thrive and become anything but like you.
You see, money isn’t everything. I know it now. I know it because even though you were paying me only 7% of what your yearly income is, I consider myself rich. Very wealthy, happy, content and full of joy for being able to buy whatever I want. You will never be happy because you will never, ever be happy with what you have. All that money, that house, those cars, trips and organic, healthy food. What is the worth if you don’t know your child?
What is the worth of your wealth if you never rolled on the floor with your kid or sang a song with her? What is the price tag for her smiles, laugh and silly dance?
I’ve spend more than a year seeing her grow, seeing her being a child with me and robot with you. I’ve read your list of requirements and chores that barely 2 year old needs to accomplish. I saw your struggle when she couldn’t spell her name at the age of two. I saw your resentment when you talked about old nannies. Your snotty behavior when you told me the reasons why they left you. ‘She was too old, couldn’t keep up anymore” “She left because she wanted to get married”
I believed you. It made sense.
Dear Nanny Family,
You can’t treat people like servants. You can’t behave like you are better than others and expect them to stay.
I gave you two months of notice and offered to help you find someone, yet you still called me ungrateful for leaving. You refuse to look at me in the past month because I am no longer valuable to you, you know I am leaving and there is no effort to be done.
Remember that one time I got sick and you didn’t even ask me how I feel, and you made me work extra?
Remember how you said I need to remember where I come from when I bought a new car?
Remember all those times I was raising your child while you were bonding in Hawaii, California and on your getaways and dates?
Remember when I spilled my food and starved all day because I can’t touch your food?
Or when I have to clean your coffee machine each day, but can’t touch your coffee, when I make you dinners, but can’t snack on your carrots?
I felt so bad for leaving you, for not staying longer than a year, but I realized something.
You don’t care about your child. She is a status. She is just a child that is spending 12 h in preschool from age 3 until probably when she is out of college. You altered her life the way you see fitting. She is not a child. She is not playing, laughing or smiling. She is there with a purpose. To make you proud, so you can compete with others. To be accomplished, wealthy and sophisticated. She will never be what she is meant to be, she will be what you make her be. Shame on you.
I respect working parents so much. I respect moms and dads who are doing the best, everything they can to give the best life for their kids – but you? I don’t respect you. I hate you. For what you are doing to her, and what a baby will live through after it’s born. Those kids deserve better. You, dear mom boss, will go to work 2 weeks after labor and your mom will take care of kids, not because you can’t afford maternity, but because you can’t be around kids that long, remember when you said that?
Remember when you said you can’t handle her whining, talking or attitude? Remember every time you complained about her behavior and I reminded you how amazing she is, how her skills, behavior and achievements are far better than at any other child I ever took care of? That she is the only 2 year old that knows how to use fork and knife, use manners, and many more tiny, unnoticeable things you are too blind to see because she isn’t perfect enough?
I see kids being taken away from their parents for various reasons. For being free ranged, for not being able to provide decent housing, food, education. Kids being abused physically and verbally, and in each of those situations we all are thinking how it make sense.
You being parent – doesn’t make sense.
The fact that you can afford nanny, pay benefits doesn’t make you a good employer. It takes more than just money to be good for your nanny.
I am a person. I am not just the nanny: servant that appears at your home whenever you want her, and needs to leave as soon as you come home.
I have feelings. I have family of my own. I get headaches. I get hungry. Tired. Grumpy. All I wanted from you was to treat me like a human being, if you gave me that, I would stay. I would raise your kids for you, but how you treat people around you was making me sick every day. I hated myself, job, paycheck. I hated commute and I started to think of every single excuse to quit, until finally you gave me no other option.
What you wanted me to do was not ok, and the fact how you felt insulted and betrayed after I gave notice, including your behavior for the last 2 months, is all I needed as confirmation I didn’t make a mistake.
I am happy I got a new job. I am not paid as much as you were paying me. I am not having perks or working only 4 days a week, but that family is making me feel loved already. We talked, we laughed, we shared stories and I know they love their child for what he is, what he will be.
They are kind, nice and gentle people. I can’t wait to start working for them.
Just because you have money, doesn’t make you better. It’s just money.
And dear nanny family, one more thing – money will not buy you happiness. Money will not buy your daughter’s love and it will not teach her to be caring, kind, good human being. You can get as many nannies to work for you, but they will all leave once they get to know you.
I love your child. It breaks my heart that I can’t even buy her a good bye gift, because you will throw it away. It hurts me so much knowing you will do everything to make her forget me, just as you did for former nannies.
She is my buddy, my friend. She knew all my secrets, life changes, plans and ideas. She is only 3 now, but she is my friend.
The fact that you don’t see anything wrong in holding her in glass shelve, protected from lower class, says way more about you than me. Good luck to your children and to your new nanny, and to you – I hope one day you will wake up, snap out of it and see the world with different eyes.
Finally free from your rules
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