This post is my goodbye to you all.

As I’m sitting, all alone, in a crowded coffee house on my birthday morning, I’m questioning every decision I ever made that led me to this place. To this day.

Why am I alone in a coffee house?

Why am I not happy?

Where did the years go?

Where did the dreams go?

 

I was almost 24 when in matter of days I decided to sell everything I had and fly across the ocean to follow my dreams. I didn’t know what those dreams were, I just knew I needed to go. I knew I didn’t belong in my home country.

Now, 4 years later I am here. Everything I ever wanted to do, I did it. Every dream, adventure, trip, idea or food I wanted to try I did. I was brave. I was silly. I was selfish. I was happy.

How in the world did I forget who am I? It seems that when I choose to make others happy, when I choose to be adult, responsible, respectful, kind and behave according to my age, I lost my spark and I lost my youth.

I became my mom, and we all know how (at least most of us) never want to become like our parents.  My mom is a saint. She is absolutely the kindest and sweetest women you’ll ever meet, but the thing you don’t see at surface is that she scarified her whole life for others.

She always kept her mouth shut, she never even tried to ask herself what does she want? Because it doesn’t matter what she wants, because it will never happen. It will never come true.

I don’t want to be my mom.

This life I’m living is not my life.  This pressure to compete, to be perfect, to be eloquent, to be active, to be slim, to be educated on this that don’t matter to me… This pressure to find hobbies, to have bunch of friends, to go out, to be chatty.. I am not that. and this is not me.

So sitting in this coffee house, celebrating my 28th all by myself and making list of new dreams, I am choosing to fight.

To fight this depression. To fight this anxiety. To fight all the restrictions and all the rules.

I am more than just a nanny. I am more than just a housewife. I am so much more, but also I am just an ordinary girl.  I am just me and I need to find myself again.

 

This post is my goodbye to you all.

The Funny Nanny is something I am incredibly proud of. I woke up one day 18months ago, and I said to myself I want to create a a blog. I started from scratch, never asking for help, advice or anything from anyone. Every code, every word, every thought was mine and to be where I am today with this community is making me so proud.

It also makes me realize that in order to focus on me, I need to take a step back and go to place and time when all of my free time didn’t revolve around it.

I will still be active for a while on social media, but there is this amazing nanny who will soon take over and make this blog achieve it’s full potential.

Thank you for all of your love, support and kind words in the last 18 months. You all made me feel like I’m home.

You all are amazing.

Happy networking, nannying and aupairing!

Love you all.

7 thoughts on “This post is my goodbye to you all.

  1. First of all Happy Birthday! I’ve recently found myself in a very similar situation and I envy your strength and vision to come to this decision. While I’m so sad that you’re going just as I’ve discovered you, I wish you the very best and hope you find more happiness than you ever imagined

  2. I´ve just discovered your blog now, that after spending a year as a nanny, 2 months as an au pair and coming back home, I´m planning to become an au pair. Incredible how I can relate to your article…thanks for sharing! And have courage!

  3. I hope you gonna find what you need!
    I did the same thing, I came to US and after one and a half year I’m struggling, I’m off, I’m sad, I have anxieties, I have fear attacks…but I also know myself better that I’ve ever had. I have to make decisions, I have to find new ideas and find myself happy again.
    Wishing you all best!!!
    xoxo

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